James with his wife, Misty and his grannie, Rhonda
On Thursday evening, April 14, 2011, my daughter was visiting with me for a while. Her husband had gone fishing and she just didn't want to be alone. She had ridden to my house on a 4-wheeler and wanted to be home before dark. So she left about 5:00. I was sitting at my computer, typing a story when my back door opened and Jimmy and Joey came in, carrying Julia and she couldn't breathe. As I was trying to get her settled, she said "he's dead." "Who are you talking about?" I asked. She said, "Jamie!" "He hung his self." I went numb. This can't be happening. My precious grandson can't be dead. He is too young. I have to go first. NO NO NO don't let this be real. But it is real and as I sit here remembering his too short life, I think about all the times I forgot to tell him I loved him or even gave him a hug.
For the first 2 years of his life, he was my shadow. His baby bed was in my room as that is where he slept. When I was at work during the night, he was in his Aunt Julia's room and he was her baby, her pet and he loved her with a passion. Even after her son, David, was born. James was still her child. No matter where he was, he would call his Aunt Julia. He lived in Atlanta for a while but when he was in the area, he would always come by to see us.
When I think about the mental disease of bi-polar, I wonder if something more can be done about it. I remember seeing movies about this condition and how it affects young adults. Most of the time, it ends in death. No one saw the signs of his condition yet it was there. His medicine had side effects and suicidal tendency's was one of them. Another was inflicting pain on his self. His step-dad, Milton Mills, noticed a few weeks ago that James had taken a knife and made a mark down the side of his face. He asked him why he did this and he just said, "to kill the pain." I can't imagine what was going thru his mind to be that unbearable.
Could we have done something different? His brothers and cousins are at a loss of what to do and what to say to his children, his wife, and all relatives. His uncles are beside their selves with grief. Our first born is gone and they were all there at the hospital to see him come into the world. It is surreal. How can we go on without him. His beautiful smile, his funny personality, his polite manners, his devilish good looks, and his character. How long will it take for our pain to go away? I love you, James and I miss you already. But I will see you again. <><
Go rest high on that mountain James as we will see you again
When you get where you are going, watch for your Grannie as I will not be far behind.
I am 67 years old so I have lived well past half of my life.
Even if I live another 10 years, it will be as a moment in eternity.
GOD is my refuge and my strength and HE will see me through this time of sorrow.
James and Misty with his Aunt Julia
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